Copyright 2000 -- Robert Baer Jr. Amos Doggie & Hannah -- "The Crocodile Man" DISCLAIMER Road Rovers characters, names, situations and the Road Rovers universe are the property of Warner Bros. I, nor this script/story are connected with Warner Bros. in any way, shape or form. This document may not be publicized or reproduced in any way, shape or form. It must remain fully intact and may not be altered in anyway. It is strictly used for not-for-profit entertainment purposes only, and is not intended to infringe on any Copyrights. This story is written by Robert Baer Jr and the characters Amos Doggie, Hannah, Computer Gila Monster and Wild Bill Bluejay are all Robert Baer Jr's creations, copyright 1997-1999. Amos Doggie & Hannah -- "The Crocodile Man" The scene is a swamp in southern Lousiana, and the home of Amos Doggie and Hannah. It's early in the morning, and the Computer Gila Monster and Wild Bill Bluejay (in Bird Rover form) have stopped by for a visit. Hannah is leaving the house, dressed in a modest red dress with matching shoes and purse. HANNAH (speaking to Amos): Now guys, I'm going into town to meet Amanda DeSalle. She and I will be shopping at the mall all day. (looking doubtful): Are you sure you guys can handle things here without me? AMOS (big smile): Be not to worry, woman! Amos know how to take care of our guests! GILA MONSTER (smiles): Don't worry about a thing, ma'am, we'll just hang around the swamp, maybe go find an anthill... WILD BILL (nods): Are you sure you don't want me to 'fly' you into town? It'd be no trouble at all! HANNAH (smiles): I appreciate the offer, Wild Bill, but I already have a means of transportation available! Hannah puts two fingers in her mouth and whistles loudly. Emerging from the swamp are two large alligators. GILA MONSTER (shocked): How did you do that? HANNAH (laughs): When you've been married to the 'King of the Swamp' for as long as I have, you pick up on a few things! (Kisses Amos): Goodbye for now, darling, I'll see you later tonight... Hannah walks onto the backs of the two alligators, they slowly move into the water and carry her out of sight. GILA MONSTER (big grin): So, guys, what shall we do first? AMOS (smiles): How about I whip up a big pot of my crawdad bisk? WILD BILL (happy): I LOVE your homemade soups! It has those crunchy little bugs in it! AMOS (suddenly stands still): Wait, can you hear it? GILA MONSTER (looks around): Hear what? WILD BILL (nods): I can hear it too! (points): Look up there! Wild Bill is pointing at an brown barn owl, who soon lands on a tree limb near the group AMOS (smiles): Hello, Cyrus! Amos no be seeing you in long time! GILA MONSTER (confused): You know this owl? AMOS (nods): I know nearly all the creatures that live in my swamp! WILD BILL (scared, points): Even that one? Wild Bill hides behind Amos as a large water moccassin slithers towards him. The snakes hisses loudly and the owl begins to chirp. Amos nods and motions for them to leave. GILA MONSTER (shakes head): Don't tell me you can understand what they're saying too! AMOS (smiles): Naturally, I can! Both Cyrus and Amelia have told me that a large group of humans in powerboats have invaded the southern end of my swamp! WILD BILL (happy): That ain't so bad, is it? AMOS (sternly): The news gets worse! The humans have captured six of my gator friends! GILA MONSTER (growls): Now, they've gone too far! (swings his 2 x 4): I say let's go introduce ourselves! AMOS (turns to Gila): Be not so hasty, my friend. We go and find out what be going on first, yes? WILD BILL (nods): Makes sense to me! I think........... GILA MONSTER (angry): Them goobers have a lot of explaining to do! Amos and the Gila 'ride' two alligators down to the area where the humans are. Wild Bill follows them through the air. When two of the humans spot Amos and the Gila, they become frightened and jump off their rafts and into the swamp. As the trio approach the other humans, they are met by four huge security guards aiming rifles at them. ONE OF THE GUARDS (shouts): HALT!! TURN AROUND AND GO AWAY!! ANOTHER GUARD (shouts): THIS IS A PRIVATE NATURE FILM SET, LEAVE NOW OR WE SHOOT! AMOS (furious): HEY! This be MY swamp, and I not grant you permission to ... ANOTHER GUARD (laughs): SURE YOU ARE! NOW GET OUT! The guards fire several shots into the air and then aim at Amos and the Gila. Wild Bill power dives at the four guards and knocks them down to the ground. Several water moccassins slither up to the fallen guards and wrap themselves around them. The trio moves forward to find a large 'barge' floating in the middle of the swamp, filled with camera and lighting people on it, setting up their equipment all around the swamp area. The 'star' of the film, a man calling himself the 'Crocodile Man' is sitting on a chair, letting the makeup experts work on his face and hair. He turns around and looks surprised when Amos, Wild Bill and the Gila approach him. CROCODILE MAN (laughs): Hey, guys, those are very amusing looking costumes, but we have all the animal extras we need for this film. Tell you what, I'll give you each an autographed picture of me before you leave, OK?? AMOS (angry, pointing): Amos not leaving till you be releasing my friends over there! GILA MONSTER (growls): Hey, them's your gator buddies in those cages over there! WILD BILL (excited): WOW!!! I want an autographed picture! Wild Bill soon lowers his head when Amos and the Gila give him angry looks. CROCODILE MAN (laughs): Your FRIENDS? You mean these filthy, scaly creatures are YOUR friends? That's a laugh! My director is going to tranquilize them so I can use them on my film! That way I won't get hurt when I wrassle them! GILA MONSTER (angry): You mean to say that you don't really wrassle gators? CROCODILE MAN (shakes head): Of course not! I actually hate jungle creatures, I only do this gig for the money and the fame! AMOS (upset): So, you be a fraud! A faker! CROCODILE MAN (defensive): I AM AN ACTOR!! I was hired for my rugged good looks, ladies can't get enough of me! GILA MONSTER (swings his 2 x 4): I think I've ALREADY had enough of you, creep! CROCODILE MAN (angry): That will do, my security guards will throw you troublemakers off the set! WILD BILL (laughing): They're on the ground playing with giant worms! CROCODILE MAN (confused): Huh? AMOS (angry): You not be drugging me gator pals, I will free them! CROCODILE MAN (shouts): GET AWAY FROM THOSE CAGES!! THOSE ARE WILD ALLIGATORS IN THERE! GILA MONSTER (laughs): Watch and learn, doofus! Amos Doggie walks over and calms down the scared gators. Using his bionic arm, he opens all the cages and sets the alligators free. Crocodile man's mouth is gaping open, he can't believe what he's seeing. CROCODILE MAN (points, shaking): Look! That dog faced man is actually talking to those alligators, and they seem to be talking back! GILA MONSTER (nods): You see, that's what a REAL crocodile man can do! WILD BILL (smiles): Yep! I'd rather have HIS autograph now! When several more security guards arrive on the barge, Crocodile Man motions for them to attack. The Gila Monster swings his 2 x 4 and sends many of them face first into the swamp. Wild Bill takes to the air and does a 'fly by' on the rest of them, and soon loud plopping sounds are heard all around them. CROCODILE (cringes): EWWWWWWW! GROSS!!!!!! WILD BILL (still in flight): It's SNOWING!!!! It's SNOWING!!!! GILA MONSTER (looks up at Wild Bill): I like your style, bird brain! AMOS (shouts): Now it's MY turn! Amos will teach deese hairless apes not to tresspass in MY SWAMP!!! Amos howls a strange sounding howl, and soon the barge is surrounded by hundreds of alligators. The gators begin ramming the barge, shaking it violently. Amos and the Gila ride away on the backs of two of the gators while the rest continue the attack. All of the security guards are now in the water, being chased by angry alligators. Finally, the Crocodile Man himself falls into the water, splashing furiously, screaming for help. Wild Bill flies over him, and pulls him out of the water with his claws. CROCODILE MAN (yells up to Wild Bird): PLEASE DON'T LET GO OF ME, BIRD MAN! I'M SCARED OF HEIGHTS!!! WILD BILL (laughs): What a wimp! Bet you're scared of your own shadow! Time to have some FUN!!! Wild Bill flies loop-to-loops, making Crocodile Man very queesy. When he finally sits the film actor down on solid ground, he hurls all over. WILD BILL (turns head): Disgusting! And people think I'm gross! Soon, Wild Bill is joined by Amos and the Gila Monster. GILA MONSTER (points and laughs): Hey, lookie here! A new TV Star, it's Captain Upchuck! HURL, BABY! HURL! AMOS (shakes head): Some just can't handle swamp life! The Crocodile Man finally stops hurling, he's barely able to stand up and he's furious. CROCODILE MAN (angry): What have you done to my production team? AMOS (laughs): Well, Amos be thinking you need a new barge! GILA MONSTER (laughs): And some of your goon squaders need first aid! WILD BILL (laughs): And the rest of them need showers! CROCODILE MAN (shakes fist): I'll sue all of you for this! GILA MONSTER (smiles): Well, all I got is this 2 x 4, and I'll gladly let you have it! The Gila Monster hits the Crocodile Man in the head with his 2 x 4, knocking him out cold on the ground. AMOS (shocked): Gila, what did you just do? GILA MONSTER (laughs): I'm a man of my word, I let him have it! WILD BILL (nods): I like YOUR style, Mister Gila! AMOS (smiles): Now be a good time to leave! WILD BILL (pleads): Can I decorate this idiot first? AMOS (shakes head): No, we better go home. My woman may call me on the phone! Don't be telling her about this, she may be upset with Amos... GILA MONSTER (laughs): Hey, I won't tell her! WILD BILL (nods): Me either! This bird knows when to keep his beak shut! AMOS (nods): Ok, we be leaving now! The scene switches back to Amos's house, several hours later. As Amos, Wild Bill and the Gila Monster are out at the picnic table eating crawdad bisk, Hannah returns. HANNAH (smiles): Well, boys, did you miss me? AMOS (stands up): Amos always miss you, wife! Hannah and Amos embrace and kiss. WILD BILL (looks at Hannah): Ma'am, want some bisk? HANNAH (shakes head): No thanks, Amanda and I ate at the mall. I have to put away all of these items I purchased, too. (walks away but then turns around) By the way, I heard a news story a few hours ago about the Crocodile Man being attacked while shooting his latest nature film, isn't that terrible? AMOS (giggles): That's sad GILA MONSTER (covers mouth): Yeah, that's aweful! WILD BILL (laughs): Yeah, all those gators sinking his barge and ... HANNAH (surprised): Yes! How did YOU know that? WILD BILL (turns away): Oops..... AMOS (stutters): Well..... GILA MONSTER (smiles): It was on the radio! AMOS (nods): Yeah! That's it! WILD BILL (nods): Sure! HANNAH (shakes head): But the radio report DIDN'T say how the barge sank! Ok you three, tell me the truth, you all had something to do with it, didn't you? AMOS (sadly): I could never say no to dose blue eyes of yours..... Honey, duh humans caged six of our gator friends, Amos and his friends had to stop them! GILA MONSTER (excited): Yeah, them goomers tried to shoot us, we fix them! WILD BILL (laughs): And I even got to play 'pigeon' with them! HANNAH (shakes head): You just couldn't stay out of trouble, could you? (sighs) Well, you did save our alligator friends, so I guess it was alright! AMOS (relieved): Thanks, darling... HANNAH (motions): Now that that's over with, would you guys like to see what I bought at the mall? I bought a few items for each of you! (hands the Gila Monster a magazine): Here you go, Gila, the latest issue of Snakes Illustrated! GILA MONSTER (happy): WOW!!! I LOVE IT!! Thanks, ma'am! HANNAH (hands a package to Wild Bill): And for you, Wild Bill, is some of the finest imported birdseed in existance! WILD BILL (happy): THIS IS GREAT!!!! Anyone have a straw? HANNAH: Er.....right! AMOS (walks over to Hannah): Honey, what did you get for Amos? HANNAH (whispers): Amanda took me to a place called Victoria's Secret, and ... Hannah whispers in Amos Doggie's ear. AMOS (huge grin): HEY!!! Amos be liking YOUR way of tinking, woman! HANNAH (smiles): So I take it you approve of my gift? AMOS (nods): Oh YEAH!!! I guarantee!! WILD BILL (anxious): So, what did you get, Amos? GILA MONSTER (shakes head): You really are a bird brain! WILD BILL (big grin): Hey, thanks! I appreciate that! GILA MONSTER (laughs): I rest my case! AMOS (laughs): It be so good to have friends like you! HANNAH (nods): I must agree, darling! -----------------------------------------------------------------------